Dear Apples,

Do you ever have days when you realize that in the original stirring up of you, there were some key ingredients left out?  And then do you wonder whether they were left out on purpose, or was it more of an absent-minded omission?  I imagine that you probably do not deal with such quandaries, because from where I stand it’s plain to see that the assembly of your person is a thing to marvel at.  But then again I suppose you do go through the existential swamp land, because aren’t we all stuck in these head-muddle days sometimes?

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Well, I was having such a morning today, preceded by a full day of it yesterday. It begins with these weasley little mutterings that gather up in sly and alarming force, and become a heavy fog cloud that descends over the brain area and then lays on thick over the body.  And oh the awful thoughts that it brings!  But as I lay flat on the ground under the crush of it this morning, I considered that perhaps everyone is missing one ingredient or another, and it sort of forces us to find the people who have what we lack and it all sort of works out into a nice little system of borrowing and lending.  Bingo!  We’re not supposed to have all our ingredients, because the recipe of life isn’t just about me; it’s about who we are together. Kumbayah.  I remember having a very tall friend who told me that she loved to wear heels because it played up what she had.  And I realized that I hate wearing heels.  I am quite short, but que sera sera, you know?  Oh the energy spilled out into failed efforts to fit ourselves into molds that cannot hold our shapes! So up from the floor I came, having realized that there is a reason that I do certain things well and will most likely botch others for as long as I live.  The best thing is that it’s not even a cynical thought.  It’s empowerment.  Play up your strong suit!  Do what you can naturally do!

And then the question becomes, why do the most essential lessons always arrive so late to the party?  There are some things we’ll never know.

Do you know what does not help with the onslaught of the Fog Cloud? A sedentary lifestyle, which I have been entertaining all week.  It’s partially circumstantial and partially my fault, but I cannot dwell on it.  It’s almost time for bed, but first I will run up and down our 4 flights of stairs a few times so that my body can remember the chemical joys of sweet little endorphins.

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