I am sitting here eating apple slices sprinkled with salt and listening to some very good music and wishing I could talk to you in person; I very much miss you right now.
Oh Apples what shall I do? I am sleepy today but I have not finished my checklist for the day, and if we’re being honest, it was a very manageable checklist. Lebanon is cooler than it was yesterday; the clouds rolled in a bit with the faintly dusty wind. It’s soothing and I am being lulled to sleep against my will! I walked in the morning before the sun became too omnipotent, and my hair whipped all about with the wind. I looked for the ant parades on the side of the road, but it seems the ants only parade on Sundays. Twice now, on my Sunday walks alone, I have seen countless parades of ants running back and forth to their hole with enormous leafs and crumbs and whatnot strapped to their back. Consider the ant! Well, perhaps the only reason we consider the ant is that they have a one day work schedule while we have a five or six day work schedule, and our day off happens to fall on their work day. “What diligence! What perseverance!,” we say in awe. But in reality it is we who are too busy to notice their 6 day rest.
Well these days, Apples, I am like the ant. I am not sure I am enjoying my leisure as much though. Instead my brain is saying “Just be patient just be patient just be patient,” while my body is fiddling around and taking long walks and doing exercises to release this tension of waiting. Waiting for responses and for residency permits and for citizenship and for home projects. Al mientras, in media res, in limbo land, in between, I listen to podcasts and self-soothe with posts like this, which tell me that nothing is in vain.
On the one hand, everything is new and lovely and exciting and more peaceful than ever before. I have a love at my side for my life and still can’t believe my luck. I am also in love with Lebanon, and having lived here before and visited since, this love is now more deep-seated and holds a greater understanding of all the beauty and frustration of the country. I am content. Waiting, and knowing that the waiting itself holds growth. And on the other hand? Well I guess I forgot about the other hand after all.
All my love to you Apples.