Life is quite topsy turvy these days and the future holds a bit too many question marks for my liking. I know that life in general will always be full of question marks, and that’s not so much the problem I suppose. I think the crux of the matter is that I am being plagued with these aggressive little impulses to do something, start something, point this unique composition of me towards a place where it can do good, and yet! the direction and concrete vision are nowhere to be found. It’s been said that necessity is the mother of invention, and while I wait for this poignant neediness to give birth to innovation, I retreat to the small things.
It’s more important these days to tend to the plants and go for walks in the evening, to enjoy breakfasts, to look out the window and hear the music and see the people, to put myself into my work, to think of the whole instead of zeroing in on pieces that are broken. Most of all to try to remember that the world is a great big orb holding billions of lives, and mine is small and the whole picture is not about me, so my best option is to make the best of what I have and do what I can in the space I occupy and love the ones around me. There’s a certain comfort in insignificance. Today I ran off to Central Park in my lunch hour and meditated for awhile, because although urgent tasks press in for my immediate attention, what can I give from a dried up place? Although today is confusing, tomorrow is on it’s way and then the next day, and as I walked up the stairs to my room today I realized again as I have before that hope is a living thing, always always sitting there, never denying itself to those who choose it.